


A Safe Haven

by starrynightshua



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst?, Angsty fluff?, F/M, Panic Attack, fluff?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 20:57:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14860170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrynightshua/pseuds/starrynightshua
Summary: You have a panic attack in the middle of the night and Joshua comforts you.





	A Safe Haven

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this is bad. I was pretty much just writing out my feelings.

A racing heart. A cool breeze blows through the open window next to the bed. The digital clock on the nightstand displays the time in a dim red just barely bright enough to see. 2:53 AM. Your chest tightens as your breathing becomes heavy. Your vision blurs as you stumble into the bathroom. Flipping the switch on the wall, you see only white as your eyes try to adjust to the blinding light.

You shut the door behind you, creating a barrier between you and the rest of the world. You slide down against the wall, hand clutching the shirt over your chest, trying your best to calm your breathing but to no avail. You feel your cheeks, which were slightly wet from the tears staining your face, and wipe them. Everything is quiet around you, the only sound being your heavy breathing.

It feels as if your suffocating. Air just barely out of reach. You try to grasp some semblance of it, breathing harder and harder. Your breath catches in your throat. A deep wheezing sound escapes your body with each breath you take. You need to breathe, you think to yourself, repeating it in your head, over and over again. But it’s soon replaced, intrusive thoughts taking over.

_You’re not good enough._

_You’re not strong enough._

_No one loves you._

_How could anyone love you when you can’t even love yourself?_

_You’re nothing but a nuisance. A bother._

_No one wants to be around you._

_You’re not important_

_You’re not special_

_You have no right to believe that you mean anything to anyone._

You want it all to stop, but these thoughts keep repeating, boring into you skull. More and more tears escape and soon enough your sobbing hysterically. You cover your mouth with your free hand, trying your best to muffle the sound, and clutch your shirt even harder. Everything hurts. You stay like that, back against the cold wall, trying your best to be quiet.

There’s a quiet knock on the door, but you can’t hear it over your sobbing. The door opens slowly, breaking the barricade that separates you from the world, and Joshua slowly enters. His hair is a mess and sleep is still evident in his eyes. He closes the door behind him, shutting out the world again.

He seats himself next to your messy figure on the floor, placing a steady hand on your back. He rubs slow but comforting circles on your back, calming you a bit. Grounding you.

His other hand finds yours,still clutched against your chest, and he holds it gently, telling you that he’s here without using words. That you won’t have to go through this alone. He scoots closer to you. His body heat feels so comforting.

The two of you stay like this for a while, sitting on the bathroom floor, bodies delicately pressed against each other. You can feel his breathing, so slow and steady. You try to match your own breathing to his. Slowly but surely, your breathing calms down and the tears stop. The room becomes quiet again except for the occasional sob that escapes your mouth every once in a while.

You rest your head on Joshua’s shoulder, completely exhausted, and he wraps his arm around you, giving you the opportunity to scoot closer. To feel his much needed warmth in the cold bathroom. He rests his head on top of yours.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper hoarsely, your throat aching and rough from sobbing.

He lifts his head to look at you. “Why are you sorry?” he asks confused and worried.

It hurts to speak. “I’m sorry I’m like this,” your voice chokes out as a sob escapes at the same time. “That you have to deal with this,” you pause. “With me…” you trail off. You can feel tears prick your eyes as you say this. Your intrusive thoughts seeping their way out of your mind and into reality. You look down afraid to look into his eyes. Afraid that he’ll judge you or even worse realize how much of a nuisance you were.

Joshua places a hand on your check and holds your face. He places his forehead against yours, eyes closed. “Y/N,” he softly starts, tenderly stroking your cheek with his thumb. “You don’t have to feel sorry for this. The way your feeling right now is not your fault. You are not alone in this. I’m here for you and I’m not going anywhere.”

“But I’m just a bother. I’m not strong eno-” you begin. He cuts you off, lifting his head so he has a good view of your face. He looks into your eyes.

“Y/N. Listen to me. You are one of the strongest people I know. You always put others before yourself, even if you don’t realize it. Whenever i come home in a bad mood, you drop whatever your doing to cheer me up. You don’t even know how much that means to me. If someone is upset or sad, you do your best to comfort them. You put aside your own feelings to take care of others. You’ve been strong for so long, holding in your own feelings, for others. You deserve to have time when you focus on yourself and let others take care of you. Be strong for yourself too. I know that you can. And I’m here to help take care of you. It’ll never be a bother. I’ll always be here to take care of you,” he pauses observing your face with loving eyes and a soft smile, “because i love you.”

You sniffle a bit but crack a small smile before whispering a soft “I love you too.”

Joshua’s smile brightens, his eyes sparkling like the stars against a dark night. He gives you a soft peck, so gentle and so careful. Before he pulls away his lips linger just barely touching yours for a second or two. You can feel his breath. As if he was reminding you that you weren’t alone and never would be. He rests his head against yours once again, a content hum leaving his lips.

The two of you stay like this for a while, no longer barricaded from the rest of the world but instead in your own personal haven. In a place where you could feel safe being vulnerable and a mess. In a place where you felt loved no matter what. In Joshua’s arms.


End file.
